2020 will probably be one of the, if not the, most significant years of my life. This was the year I had been waiting for; the year I was planning to retire. What a year it’s been. 2020 kicked off with me suffering from and recovering from a pretty severe pinched nerve in my neck that left me with insufferable migraines and memories of a trip to the emergency room (thank you massage envy). As I was beginning to feel this pain ease, my mother’s health was starting to fail. She was only a handful of days away from her 96th birthday when she passed on to her next life. That day is still blurry, but doesn’t seem like it’s been a year. She lived life on her own terms, regardless of how hard I tried to change that. Her terms, and her stubbornness, were ultimately her downfall. I think we all want to live on our own terms, regardless of the outcome.
Around this time, rumblings of a virus were starting to emerge and Visa started to put the ‘how to wash your hands’ signs back in place. Last time those were up was when SARS was around. It’s surprising and disappointing how many people don’t know this basic skill. Makes one wonder what else we don’t know. No one had any idea the magnitude of this or the devastation it would bring. We were ill equipped to manage what was to come as we didn’t have memories in our brains to reflect upon, to help put the virus in perspective. I am thankful even though several people we know got sick, none were taken from us.
This was also the year I planned to retire. I announced my retirement on the day the stock market dropped several percentage points. Timing is everything, right? We were in the process of selling all our remaining possessions, car, and home. Visa placed everyone on full-time work from home mode…just as we were selling our home. Again, timing. Working from home was something I always wanted to do. It was fun up front and brought new challenges that interested me. Over time, though, I craved interaction with others. The face to face conversation, seeing the faces, expressions and tone of the people with whom I was having a conversation.
Retiring during a pandemic does’t really give you the sense of closure you hope for. Wouldn’t really recommend if given the choice. Those last goodbye’s, seeing those with whom you built relationships, got angry, laughed, had a beers. Maybe closure is something society has made up to label something. I think, in the back of most minds, people thought the virus would come and go quickly and life would return to normal. Its been almost a year and we’re all still waiting on normal. Truth be told, I still have some level of emptiness on how my last days of work came to a close. There is no gain in looking backward. Must look forward.
With the last 55 years behind me and looking to start a new way of life, the pandemic forced us to cancel our existing plans, the ones we’d been working on for years, and look for new adventures. It’s hard when you place a lot of time and energy into one singular plan and then are faced with an abrupt end to it. First world problems. Don’t get me wrong I know how lucky I am in life and love. I don’t take any of it for granted. The pandemic provided us an opportunity to break old habits, focus on the things and people that are truly important, try new things and look elsewhere for the adventure we were hoping for.
As 2021 approaches, we are exploring who we are and what we really want life to look like. What we thought was traumatic at the time (canceling our plans) might end up simply being a delay for a year. Fingers crossed. This has allowed us to look at other adventures that we would have never considered had we stayed on target. I look forward to what the year and years ahead will bring.
