As long back as I can remember, my mother taught me to save. What allowance there was, was always separated out into tithing, saving and spending. Even the tooth fairy was not spared. That dollar under the pillow in return for extracted teeth got divided out, too. This is not a bad thing. It set me up as I got older to pay myself first. I think my mother liked to think of herself as a mastermind when it came to money. She preached the right words; contribute to your IRA and 401K, pay yourself first, have an emergency fund and don’t carry credit card debt. That all sunk in. I paid myself first to the point we were eating 10 for $10 little Juan burritos and limiting our partying to $1 import night at the local bar (where we would only have 1). I am still proud that I never carried credit card debt to this day…though on a trip, Greg forgot to pay the balance. I’ll never let him forget how he ruined my record.
I watched my mother work and work all my life. Through layoffs, furloughs and part-time jobs, she worked until she was 89 years old. She always preached the value of a solid work ethic. What I grew to learn was that my mother was her job – what ever job that was. What I wanted for myself was to have a job I enjoyed, but to know that I was not my job. For those that know me, you have probably heard me say ‘you are not your job, you are far greater’.
As my mother worked into her golden years and beyond, she would often lament the things she never got to do. As she got older, my sister and I tried to get her to try the things she wanted to do or even simply to try something new. As she aged, the lack of self care took its toll to where she was no longer able to truly care for herself. I swore that I would do all I could to ensure I don’t have the same fate, though that will be left up to the powers that be. I will at least do my part.
Tips for teens: Bend at the waist, go for a walk, eat a vegetable.
With all that said, my mom lived to the ripe old age of 94.
In another world, my step-mother-in-law (that’s a mouthful) Dana embodied the love all – serve all way of thinking. She loved her kids unconditionally. She was selfless. That love extended to her step-children as well, though they were well into their 30’s and beyond. Dana loved. She lit up any room she entered. She cared deeply for those around her. She was full of life. Dana was alive. She took every last sip that life would give her. I loved being around her. Dana and her husband had just retired and had planned to spend time traveling. Sadly at 56 – yes 56 – she started developing signs of Alzheimer’s and 10 short years later she was gone. I was never again to hear her sing ‘Oh, I wanna dance with somebody/ I wanna feel the heat with somebody/Yea, I wanna dance with somebody’…. or come down the stairs and at the top of her lungs sing out “I’m reeaadyyy!” Dana taught me that life is fleeting and that the best laid plans sometimes don’t work out as you hoped.
As Greg and I planned our retirement, for me, these two women played key roles into my decisions. Yes, I am a saver, but balanced with living. I had no desire to work late into life. I try to take out of life what I can and live in the moment. It’s so cliche its stupid, but try to live each day as it’s my last. I fail, but I try. With our new found pandemic, enjoying each day for what it is seems to be just a little more important then it has ever been.
I learned many things from my mom, but a couple of my biggest takeaways were to save money so that one day you can stop working, and secondly, when you can, stop working and do what you want. From Dana I learned don’t take life for granted. You never, ever, know how much time you have left. Life is fleeting and time is now.
