The day started out like so many others in my past. I woke to the sound of the phone alarm clock sounding at 7am (still 11pm at home and in the heart of your hero, having been in country only a day or so now) and had to resist the urge to throw the damn thing against the nearest wall of this incredibly tiny hotel room in Austria. We got to sleep at 1am (again, only 5pm in Denver) and had a pretty bad night of sleep, but all that will heal soon. Until then, we had things to do, namely the bicentennial celebration of Oktoberfest in Munich. That’s right, folks; 200 years of beers bigger than your head served by women with breasts bigger than your head. I couldn’t wait.
One, two, six, we are out the door towards the Salzburg train station on our way to boarding our train for the short trip into Germany. First, breakfast. It was a toss up. Train station Burger King or a quick croissant and orange spritzer at a local deli. We chose wrong. The croissant was some kind of abomination. Apparently, the person who made this pastry has a day job making pretzels and just couldn’t get away from it. It was horrible and I am quite sure it is responsible for the rock still lodged in my gut. At least the Happy Day Orange Spritzer was okay. Knowing the laws governing food here in Europe, we should have chosen Burger King. Guaranteed it would have been healthier than the same restaurants in America. After all, the government here dramatically limit’s the amounts of antibiotics or hormones in the meats. And the fruit flavored items…flavored with fruit, not fruit flavored chemicals. Funny, eh?
We got to Munich and proceeded out of the train station only to look at each other and say, almost in unison, “Okay, which way do we go?” See, neither of us had bothered to look at a map of Munich in preparation of our arrival. So, we just started walking, aimlessly following any sound of people, music, or better yet, any groups of people wearing lederhosen. It didn’t take long to realize that we were going all kinds of wrong ways in our attempt to find the Oktoberfest celebration site. On the positive side, we found a lovely street market filled with the most delectable fruit and vegetable stands, sandwich carts, coffee shops, and craft peddlers. We decided to go with the flow and enjoy a quick broiled ham, tomato and cheese pizza-type offering from one of the vendors. Even though it had somewhat of a Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza taste to it, I thought is was sublime.
We caught a group heading towards a big open square south of us and followed until we caught the amazement that is the Glockenspiel. This ancient clock, with moving parts the size of people, statued figures all around, and an incredibly beautiful but haunting chime was surrounded by groups of tourists and locals alike, just standing there gazing at this wonder of really old German mechanical excellence.
We had to find Oktoberfest. I mean, how hard can it be? It’s Munich and it’s Oktoberfest. Even though the city is quite large, I still thought we would be able to run into the largest party in the world without much trouble. Unfortunately, we went the wrong direction again and forced ourselves to head into a Starbucks for a quick Hazelnut Hot Chocolate (wish they had those in the States), and do a little wee wee and a little wifi. Found it. Not the wee wee, but the park where Oktoberfest could be found. We weren’t far. Thanks iPhone and free wifi. The break also gave me a chance to see that KU lost another football game. Imagine my surprise. Go Jayhawks.
Off we go. A little bit north. A little bit east. A little bit south. Pow!! Oktoberfest. For those who haven’t experienced this, let me sum up: It’s like a big state fair, complete with tons of rides, funnel cake-looking potato pancakes, pretzels, pork products of every kind encased in intestines, cotton candy, fun houses, and people…everywhere. Add to that huge buildings totally filled to overflowing capacity with people in various stages of drunkenness being served huge beers and singing songs that I don’t know at the top of their lungs. These beer halls are huge. People show up there at 7am every day to stake out their tables and sit and await the beer ladies. Then, they sing and drink until someone pukes. Then they drink more. Cool thing, there is absolutely no sniff of anxiety or threat of violence. Thousands of drunks loving each other. Where else can this happen. It is truly amazing. Unfortunately, the $5 pretzel sucked. Aw, what are you gonna do?
The day was complete. All there was to do was to board the wrong train back to Salzburg, have to go to the first stop at some town named something like Fukenpuke, run to another train back to Munich, run to another train once reaching Munich, and board the right train (which, thankfully was delayed a bit) back to Salzburg only to be greeted by a cabbie outside the train station rocking to ‘Rock Me Amadeus’ thumping from this massive car stereo. Seriously? Maybe it’s a sales thing for him. I love me some Falco. At least we made it. A brisk walk to a wine bar for bruschetta and Chianti to wash down the pretzel and beer and then and back to the room to pack for Italy.
Random observations of Germany and Austria:
1. Kids smoke early here. Like at 14. Phillip Morris and Marlborough must be proud. Cool, smoking related automation thing; you can get your smokes from vending machines on building corners with a simple swipe of your Visa card. It’s so easy it makes me want to start smoking.
2. It’s cool that just before street lights turn from green to yellow, the green starts to flash. I wonder how fast I would start driving on those flashing greens if we did that in America. Probably faster than I do on yellow.
3. There are solar panels everywhere. On the train through the rural areas of Germany and Austria, probably 75/% of buildings have panels on them. I know European nations are a bit ahead of us in terms of alternate energy (Germany produces like 75% of it’s energy needs through renewable energy), but that shocked me.
4. It’s always easy to spot the Americans. Just look for the flip flops.
5. Sorry if this upsets anyone, but I don’t find German to be a pretty language. I can’t get a grasp of it, either spoken or written. I just go blank. I can’t even order food competently and that is killing me. It sounds harsh and cold. These people could be reciting the greatest love poems to the most beautiful people in the world and all I would hear is someone threatening to kill something and engage in violent world conquest. I know it’s my problem. I usually try really hard to engage and respect, but this language is hard.
6. You listen to kids, and adults for that matter, laugh around here and you realize that we are all the same. Yeah, the languages are different and, when they start talking, you realize that. This is a diverse place. We have heard at least 6 to 10 different languages here. But when a kid is giggling, we can’t help but to realize that we are all connected and what is funny for one is usually funny for all. It’s the same in any language, eh? Unless it’s in German. That shit isn’t funny to me.
